I wrote this 22 weeks ago. I know the count because every Thursday my friend relives the horrible day she lost her daughter to the flu. About to celebrate her 15th birthday, the news of her passing was unimaginable. Her family and community, devastated. Life would never be the same. We let her know we are thinking of her by posting purple hearts. Her daughter’s favorite color.
Grief is different for each person and can only be experienced individually. It has you feeling completely alone even among other grievers. It can surface at the most unexpected moments and I believe it never goes away. In time it gets easier, but it never completely disappears.
For my dear sister friend. Know that you are not alone in your pain.
15 February 2018
It outweighs any attempts at functioning.
The brief surges of inspiration are quickly smothered by heaviness.
I try to sleep, but my mind won’t cooperate.
I try to read, but the noise outside my window sends me over the edge.
I want to write, but my brain is in a fog.
These clipped sentences are all I can get out.
There’s a low buzzing in my head or maybe it’s a power tool outside.
My “nice” filter is gone and I lash out at the ones I love.
This is not even my grief to claim.
It is my friend’s who lost her young daughter to the flu a week ago today.
My brother’s with a brain tumor who will never be “cured” of cancer.
The loved ones’ of the 17 victims taken at yet another school shooting.
My nieces’ having survived the Vegas massacre reliving the terror with all the current media coverage.